7 May 2014, 4:51pm
rant:
by

31 comments

  • February 2017
    M T W T F S S
    « Jan    
     12345
    6789101112
    13141516171819
    20212223242526
    2728  
  • Archives

  • The Squeezed Middle are Doomed

    Because they are puppet slaves buying empty dreams. They’ve lost the ability to look around them and the cornucopia of goods and services an advanced industrial nation has to offer them, and ask themselves the simple question

    Does buying this crap improve my quality of life?”

    and if the answer is no, then leave it well alone!

    Firestarter and MMM kicked this off with a deconstruction of one example from the USA, and I’ve now found one from the UK. Get your violins out for Guy and Shaz on £120,000 who haven’t been out for a meal for yonks.

    Annually it’s costing £45,000 after tax, which is a considerable outlay, but I’m happy to pay because I want them to have the best start

    Folks, you were part of building a world where there are no bloody jobs for your kids no matter how much money you throw down the toilet of school fees. We’re talking a sunk cost of  £157,000 per child (11 to 18). There’s a case to be made for setting up the trust fund – it’ll deliver ~£8k each for your precious nippers to sit on their backsides all day. Every year for good.

    Independent schooling seems to be one of those empty dreams that caters to people’s understandable sense of vicarious living and immortality through their children. But here’s a shock finding – it is values, grit and integrity that maketh the man, along with a decent dollop of good old-fashioned luck. That used to be your job as parents to do bar the luck, but I guess along with the usual trend of outsourcing things so you can earn more money to outsource more things that sort of thinking seems to be passe.

    Now you can tell that this is ad-land berlercks from the Mission Statement of Lord Wandsworth college where Guy sends his progeny to –

    LWC is a socially inclusive non-denominational boarding and day Foundation school for boys and girls. We focus on the needs of each individual, while developing in each child a concern for others and a love for and loyalty towards the school community. We ensure that each pupil shapes their values and aspirations within a stimulating and supportive environment, and strive constantly to improve the quality of teaching and learning.

    We aim to equip pupils with character attributes, passion, resourcefulness, independence, skills, knowledge and qualifications so they can become the best possible version of themselves and make a great contribution to a changing world.

    LWC should reach out and become known as a leading and opinion forming school, in principle and in practice.

    Now bearing in mind that presumably if you are charging shitloads of money for entry you can hire the best ad copywriters, WTF is this passionless management speak that we see before us – it’s more befitting an firm of book-keepers that a bunch of people who will relieve you of nearly 200 grand to do a job you could get done for free if you were prepared to be part of the solution. Let’s deconstruct this fine prose. It isn’t a fair fight – the Ermine has merely a thirty-year old grammar-school edukayshun and I failed 1 English Literature. Whereas Lord Wandsworth are education.

    LWC is a socially inclusive non-denominational boarding and day Foundation school for boys and girls

    To be honest, if I’m a parent, I want a school that is a bit socially exclusive – to keep the thickos and oiks away from Tarquin. Even if Tarquin is a moron and I know it, I want him to go to a school where they keep out the rough sorts. With the exception of people like Fiona Millar, most parents are like this, once you have loosened their tongues with enough wine. People are tribal that way. However, this is achieved in a roundabout way. Obviously if you can stump up £20k+ per head per annum, you have automatically eliminated most of the lower classes 😉

    Of course the social inclusives would say ah but 10% of our intake have bursaries. Well yeah but you gotta know the lingo to apply for a bursary. I had to look it up to know what it means in a school context.

    We focus on the needs of each individual, while developing in each child a concern for others and a love for and loyalty towards the school community.

    The usual oxymoronic claptrap. Humans are not multitaskers and you can develop the individual or generate good community sheeple, but you cannae do both. Look around you are the people who have made a difference in the world. They are often borderline sociopathic, driven and not balanced all-round team players. It goes with the patch – great talent sticks out because it is so rare. So don’t go cutting my tall poppies down, school. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.

    We ensure that each pupil shapes their values and aspirations within a stimulating and supportive environment, and strive constantly to improve the quality of teaching and learning.

    The Ermine has parsed this sentence searching with his beady eyes for any semblance of meaning beyond the sort of random gwana-gwana that exercised the Register years ago. And failed to discover any. It’s like the snow you used to get on a television when the aerial had fallen out – the random hiss as the intermediate frequency amplifiers are turned up in the vain search for an incoming signal. Is it a dog-whistle to acolytes of Tom Peters, MBAs an other purveyors of management-speak who torture the English language daily? WTF does it mean? How exactly do you do this? Where do you start, and where do you go for help?

    Do or do not, do not try

    We aim to equip pupils with character attributes, passion, resourcefulness, independence, skills, knowledge and qualifications so they can become the best possible version of themselves and make a great contribution to a changing world.

    Way back in the mists of time, when there was still talent and creativity flowing in George Lucas’s veins rather than an unending search for filthy lucre amongst the twisted wreckage of his youthful originality, he created a remarkably plug-ugly character whose greatest statement highlights what’s wrong with that sentence 2.

    It seems following generations have projected these wise words upon subsequent heroes, according to Google. The truth is timeless.

    my fellow Google searchers consider this worth of Dumbledore and Gandalf

    my fellow Google searchers consider this epithet worthy of Dumbledore and Gandalf

     

    LWC should reach out and become known as a leading and opinion forming school, in principle and in practice

    More of the same, really. If you should reach out and become known, then what is standing in your way, FFS, and give no quarter – sack them or eliminate them from your world. Do or do not, people.

    So I thought I would investigate more as to what Mr Squeezed Middle is shelling out for. They have an entry in the Good Schools Guide, so I took a butcher’s hook

    A good, broad, mid-range school, and a good place to be a bright kid – they are well rewarded for working hard, half a dozen Oxbridge candidates each year.

    Obviously nobody has stupid kids, because this might be a crap place to be dumb. But then no parent has stupid kids, right? Have you ever known any  parent who says “my child has shit for brains and is talent-free, not even good with his hands”? Obviously all humans are above average, then…

    That yells out aspirational mediocrity to me. Now Guy and Shaz may know that their kids are no-hopers in the smarts department, but as I said, the trust fund is the alternative, and the great thing about investing in that is that Guy can evaluate the likely return what with being a finance compliance wallah, presumably some of the know-how sticks around. The advantage of the trust fund is even if the kids have the entrepreneurial instincts of a beach pebble there’s a known return.

    As for the Oxbridge entry the odds look poor – three decades ago even my sarf London grammar school of 600 kids all in managed to muster half a dozen Oxbridge candidate in my year 3. I was one of them – though not up to scratch. I’m always suspicious of schools that talk about the candidates and not the entry, too.

    And we had genuine problems, like dimwits kicking a hole in the plaster because they were bored and wanted to leave at 16. I couldn’t determine how many kids LWC has but if he’s dropping three hundred grand on buying the best start it might behoove Guy to look at what he’s actually getting for his hard-earned money. And slightly lower odds than a south London grammar school could muster when five times as many people go to university now as did then is a little bit crap in my view.

    But it’s the mealy-mouthed mission statement that made me smell a rat. Now obviously if you’re dropping well over half your take-home to pay for a service that can be had for free then you don’t get to eat out much. But you’re also not going to get shedloads of sympathy. I’ve never earned anywhere near what Guy earned, and while I don’t begrudge him his hard-earned, nor his right to piss it up the wall of a school that can’t see what’s wrong with not being able to say what they stand for, I can’t really find it in myself to feel a great deal of sympathy. The single mother going to a food bank to buy her kids a book, yes. Guy who is buying what he thinks he ought to buy because he’s only a member of the middle class because he pays for his children’s education, no. Since when did you have to be paying for public school, never mind boarding school, to become middle class?

    This is where the middle class went wrong and why they are doomed. Somewhere along the line they lost their values. They’s skint because they buy without thinking, they are sold dreams of the way they should be living and go for it hell for leather. You only get one chance at life, and it’s too bloody short to spend living somebody else’s dream. Particularly if the somebody else is advertisers looking to created desires in you to make as much money out of you by selling you services and stuff.

    Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.

    Tyler Durden, Fight Club

    Look at LWC’s website. It’s all about the sizzle, not the steak. It’s about the 1200 acres, the founder, the farm. What do you need to have a good school? You need good teachers, you need to have clear aims and goals. I’ve never been to LWC –  they may be a perfectly good school. Maybe Guy assessed this himself. Or maybe he is just buying into a chimera of what it’s like to be a well-off resident of the Home Counties doing the job of financial compliance and raising kids. Which apparently means paying shedloads of money on public schools to be in with the in crowd. I suppose you gotta spend your money on something, can’t take it with you…

    There seems to have been an explosion of independent schools out there to shake down the ‘middle class’, feeding off the inchoate fear of not doing the best for their children. I take the point that if you want political influence and are rich enough, send your offspring to Eton or somewhere where you can buy influence. Money has always bought influence. It is crystallised claim on future human work, so it goes with the patch. I suspect there are a lot of redbrick independent schools set up to feed the increasing aspiration. And why not – if people want to pay for it, let ’em.

     

    How much you need to earn gross as a household to enter the relevant decile accordig to the ONS. Guy's well over to the right

    How much you need to earn gross p.a. as a household to enter the relevant decile according to the ONS. Guy’s well over to the right, assuming his wife doesn’t work

    Finally, Guy should take a butcher’s hook at the ONS Gross Household Income by Income Decile (Excel sheet) You need a household income of £70k to enter the highest income decile. Guy and Shaz, you are not the squeezed middle. There are people queueing up at foodbanks. They are squeezed. Finding out that you have to budget and discovering it is a stretch to pay more than a 7th decile household earns for public school education 4 is not being squeezed. You have options that many Britons couldn’t dream of, so you’ll have to excuse us when we say tough luck mate.

    I don’t actually have anything against LWC, apart from their pedestrian ad copy. They may be a perfectly good independent school, just a tad short on the imagination and self-critical side. In old-skool-speak that used to be called ‘could do better’. I believe these characteristics used to be considered important aspects of self-development from Socrates onwards.

    LWC are unlucky enough to have one of their customers moaning in a national newspaper that they are bleeding him dry with their outrageous fees so he can’t afford to go for a meal with his good lady wife. His lack of irony demanded a snarl, LWC is collateral damage. I’m sure they’ll weather the storm.

     

    Notes:

    1. I got an E. In those days people weren’t afraid of calling that a fail. But then I only sampled Great Expectations, despised poetry and was slightly bored with Shakespeare. I was to become an engineer, FFS
    2. SW geeks, of which there are many, will slam me for misquoting the Great Yoda. I like my version better, this is my blog, and if you don’t like it then go read another of the several billion pages on the internet
    3. This should be taken into perspective; far fewer people went to university when I left school, roughly a fifth of the current proportion
    4. for any bemused Americans reading, in Britain public schools are the ones you pay for privately, and State schools are the one the public pays for
     
  • Recent Posts

  • Subscribe to Simple Living In Suffolk via Email

    Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.